Friday, April 27, 2012

The Problem with Snow White Syndrome

Someday my prince will come
Someday we'll meet again
And away to his castle we'll go
To be happy forever I know 
Someday when spring is here
We'll find our love anew
And the birds will sing
And wedding bells will ring
Someday when my dreams come true…

     Now look, I don't mean to hate on Snow White here. But something needs to be said...
     Yah see, all people have a void.  To quote Blaise Pascal, "What else does this craving, and this helplessness, proclaim but that there was once in man a true happiness, of which all that now remains is the empty print and trace? This he tries in vain to fill with everything around him, seeking in things that are not there the help he cannot find in those that are, though none can help, since this infinite abyss can be filled only with an infinite and immutable object; in other words by God himself."
     Essentially, we all have a void, that should be filled with God. But the sad thing is, some girls (and I guess guys too), even Christian girls, try to fill this craving with earthly romance. We are not made to live a life of melancholy wishing. The world may think that this pining for pink hearts and romance is harmless and natural, but I am here to tell you that it is not. Or at least, not to the extent that it is emphasized in out current culture.
     This is why you see girls with stars in their eyes every time they see an eligible young man. This is why you see girls planned their wedding before they are even old enough to date (sometimes this is just harmless fun, but if the focus of your thoughts is a single future event, let's be honest, you need a life). I'm not just saying this because I'm sick of wedding dresses spaming my Pinterest feed. If you want to be a wedding planner or something, have at it. But your life needs to be about loving God and loving the people who are already in your life, not taking cute pictures with your imaginary future husband.
Some girls think life is about having a “significant other” and if it doesn’t come easily or quickly to them, they end up feeling empty and aimless. This is why you see young girls wishing away their lives. This is why you see girls so desperate that they will do anything to get a boyfriend.
     There is no Prince Charming. There is no perfect guy who will carry you off to his castle and make you always feel beautiful and perfectly loved. The only one who will do that is God. In fact, chances are, your life will get harder after marriage. 
     Here is what Christian author Leslie Ludy has to say about this subject:

     "There is endless pressure – both from outside and inside the church – upon single young women to take matters into their own hands when it comes to marriage. Principles such as waiting on God’s perfect timing for marriage, trusting in Him to orchestrate the details of our love story, and finding contentment and purpose in singleness – are not only being questioned by these authors, but openly mocked.
     Here’s a quote from the book Getting Serious About Getting Married – Rethinking the Gift of Singleness:
     'The belief that remaining single is legitimate and godly is a work of the devil. Read that again:  Satan dishonors marriage by fooling us into believing that singleness is okay. (page 43)'
     The author goes on to commend Calvin’s view of singleness:
     '…men and women who are not connected in marriage are like the mutilated members of a mangled body. (page 28)'
     Wow. Talk about putting pressure on young women to shed the stigma of singleness! According to this author, they have actually been fooled by Satan if they think that their singleness is legitimate and okay! She contends that their singleness is far more than just a stigma – it has actually made them like the mutilated members of a mangled body!   If that’s the case, they’d better hurry up and find a husband at all costs, so they can finally be in God’s perfect will and get out of such a horrible pit!   
     And sadly, all too many single young women settle for mediocre, self-focused guys because of messages like this one. As my husband Eric says, 'If a young woman follows that kind of advice, she’s more than likely going to end up with a total jerk for a husband!'"

     This just goes to show you that if the epitome of your life is Prince Charming, then you are setting yourself up for a guaranteed heartbreak. The solution? Don't be obsessed with marriage. Be balanced. If you wait around for the Godly guy who meets all your criteria, chances are you'll be waiting forever. But that also doesn't mean you need to be so desperate you'll settle for any guy who can buy you a bouquet of roses.
     It is nice to dream. But to spend all your time dreaming of finding “true love” is a waste of your life. Live in the now, not dreaming of the future. Your life does not begin on your wedding day. What if Prince Charming never comes? And what if when he does come he isn’t perfect? Even if he does eventually come and you have a great life together, then you are still wasting you life up until that point if that is all you ever think about. Don't wish your life away.
     This is not to say that the desire for marriage is bad, but there is no reason to worry about it- God will take care of it if marriage is what he has planned for you. I mean sure, get out of the house and socialize with some nice guys, God helps those who help themselves, but you don't need to be desperate. And for that matter, marriage is not necessary, in fact it is not at all times even desirable. In 1 Corinthians 7:8 Paul says, “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am.” 
     I will admit that I suffer from this problem as well, but less and less as I realize that God is the only one who will fill the void that I have- a void that no man could ever fill. No man will ever love me as much as God already does. You have all you need right now, so stop waiting, you have God. What is Prince Charming compared to God?

Also, check out this little story from Christanity Today: <<< Don't let that be you. The point here again is BALANCE.

While trying to see if "Snow White Syndrome" was already a term or soemthing, I found this blog post: